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Showing posts with label humour. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humour. Show all posts

Monday, January 25, 2010

HUMOUR



Only in America ......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.




Only in America .....do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.



Only in America ......do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.


Only in America ......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.




EVER WONDER ...
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens
our skin?





Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?



Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?


Why the man who invests all your money is called a broker?


Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?



Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?



Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?


You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!





I like this one!!!
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?



Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle)...in other words, send it to everyone. We all need to smile every once in a while.
Spread the Stupidity. 

HUMOUR


The IAS Interview
One young man went for an IAS Interview.

"When did India get independence? " He was asked.
"The efforts began a few years earlier and final result was in 1947" He replied.

"Who was responsible for our independence? "
"There were so many. Whom to mention? If I name one, it will be a injustice
to another." He replied.

"Is corruption the number one enemy in our country?"
"Some research is going on the subject and I can answer with certainly
only after seeing the report" He replied.

The interview board was very pleased with his original and thoughtful
answers and asked him not to reveal the questions to others, since they
were planning to ask the same questions. When he went out naturally
others were curious to know what was asked. He politely declined, but one
persistent Sardar would not leave him. "At least tell me the answers"
he pleaded, and our friend obliged.

Then it was the turn of this Sardar. When he went inside, since his
resume was slightly illegible, the board member asked him." By the way, what
is your date of birth?"
He replied, "The effort began a few years earlier and final result was in 1947."

Somewhat puzzled, they asked another clarification. "What is your fathers name?"
He replied, "There were so many. Whom to mention". If I name one, it will be
injustice to another".

The interviewer was incensed.
"Hey! Are you mad or what?"
He replied. "Some research is going on the subject. I can answer with
certainty only after seeing the report."

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

humour

Rajinikanths Management Mantras












Rajnikanth Managemen t & Marketing Mantras







There are many Management & Marketing lessons in the punch lines and dialogues of Super Star Rajnikanth





1.Rajni’s punch:



“ Kanna naan yosikama sollrathile, sollittu yosikrithile’

Management Lesson:



Planning is absolutely important and having planned there is no need for any re confirmation in the attainment of the objective.





Rajni’s Dialogue ( in 16 vayathinile )



“ Ithu eppadi iruku”

Management Mantra:



360 degree feedback is very important for any top management. This makes an organisation very democratic”







Rajni’s punch: (in Dharmathin Thalaivan)



“ Nan thatti kaetpaen, aana, kotti kudupaen”

Management mantra:



The top management has the right to fix accountability. It also has the ability to incentivise performance thru incentives, rewards and ESOPs.

Rajni’s Punch: ( in Arunachalam )



“Andavan Sollraan, Arunachalam seiraan”

Management Mantra:



These two words summarise the importance of Delegation and Implementation, both activities being vitally important to any professionally managed company.





Rajni’s Punch: ( In Baasha )



“ Naan oru thadavai sonna, nooru vaati sonna mathuri “

Management Mantra:



The importance of proper communication skills and listening skills is encapsulated in just 10 words. There should always be clarity and authority in what the management says and the there should be no room for any misinterpretation. Also if the listening skill is well established, we can avoid reiterating the same subject thru phone, mails, memos etc and thereby save precious executive time

Rajni’s punch: ( in Baba )



“ Naan lateaa vandalum, latestaa varuven”

Management Mantra:



Even if there is a delay in rolling out a product or service, we need to ensure that we deploy the latest methods and technology.











Rajni’s Punch: (in Baba )



“Asantha adikirathu unga style. Asarama adikirathu Baba style”

Management Mantra:



“ It is very important to be pro active than reactive. This is particularly important for Telecom and Credit card companies. You need to be launching pleasant surprises to the consumers before the competitor knows about them.







Rajni’s Punch: ( in Padaiyappa)



“en vazhi thanee vazhi”

Management mantra:



You need to be different to succeed. Don’t choose a “me- too” line of business. “ Blue Ocean Strategy” is founded on this very principle









Rajni’s Punch: ( in Engeyo kaeta kural )



“ Kai alavu kasu iruntha athu namma kappathum, athuve kazuthu alavu iruntha atha namma kappathunum”

Management Lesson:



Here he clearly talks about treasury operations and wealth management services. The management should focus on their core business. Investment advice should be left to the wealth management companies or experts.

In fact Mutual Funds should use this policy to multiply their clientele.



Rajni’s Punch: ( in Baba )



Baba counting starts now 1,2,3,…

Management mantra:



Here he stresses the importance of timelines….













KEEP SMILING ALWAYS

humour

Salary hike








One day an employee sends a letter to his boss asking for an increase in his salary !!!







Dear Bo$$





In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding the need$of u$.We are worker$who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company ..

I am $ure you will gue$$what I meant and re$pond $oon.





Your$$incerely,







The next day, the employee received this letter of reply:







Dear



I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOw a days, NOthing much has changed. You must haveNOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticably well . NOw the newspapers are saying the world's leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember things may turn bad. I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean .





---- Your Boss.

Monday, December 7, 2009

humour

சாமி கண்ணைக் குத்திட்டார்....

ஒரு ஊரில் ஒரு விநோதமான பழக்கம் இருந்ததாம்.
அங்க ஊர் கோயில்ல வழிபாட்டின் போது கடவுள் சிலையின் மீது கல்லை விட்டு எறியனுமாம்.கல்லு சரியா விழுந்தா நினைச்சது நடக்கும்னு ஐதீகம்.
அந்த ஊருக்குப் புதுசா ஒருத்தன் விருந்துக்கு வந்தானாம்.
அவனையும் அப்படிக் கல்லை விட்டு எறியச் சொன்னாங்களாம்.
அவனுக்கோ கடவுள் சிலை மீது  கல்லெறிய பயம்.சின்ன வயசிலே ஏதாச்சும் தப்பு செஞ்சா சாமி கண்ணைக் குத்தும்னு சொல்லி சொல்லி அவங்க ஆத்தா வளர்த்து விட்டிருந்தது.சும்மா செய்யறத் தப்புக்கு கண்ணைக் குத்தும் சாமி அவர் மேலேயே கல்லைப் போட்டா சும்மா விடுமான்னு பயந்தான்.
ஆனாலும் ஊர்க்காரவங்க விடலை.சரின்னு வேறு வழியில்லாம கல்லை எடுத்து சிலையின் மீது எறிவது போல போக்குக் காட்டிட்டு பக்கத்துல இருந்த மரத்தின் மீது போட்டானாம்.
கொஞ்ச நேரத்துல அவனுக்கு ரெண்டு கண்ணும் போயிடுச்சாம்.
சாமீ எனக்கு ஒரு உண்மைத் தெரியனும் சாமீய்ய்ய்  உன்னைக் காயப்படுத்தக் கூடாதுன்னுதானே மரத்து மேல எறிஞ்சேன் .இருந்தும் ஏஞ்சாமி என் கண்ணைக் குத்திட்டே னு அழுதானாம்.
அதுக்கு   கடவுள் சொன்னாராம் ஊர்க்காரங்க கல்லெடுத்து அடிக்கிறாங்கன்னு தான் நானே பக்கத்துல இருந்த மரத்து மேல ஒளிஞ்சிருந்தேன்.பாவி நீ எப்படியோ தெரிஞ்சுகிட்டு என்னை கல்லால அடிச்சிட்டியே அதான் தப்பு செஞ்ச உன்னைக் கண்ணைக் குத்திட்டேன்னு .

அசத்தப்போவது யாரு நிகழ்ச்சியில் மதுரை மகா சொல்லக் கேட்டு இரசித்தது:

நன்றி;kummionly blogspot